this movie may contain characters of j.k. rowlings "harry potter" and maybe, possibly even pass off quite similar to the warner bros movie... ...the included audio-material has been imitated into a scoffed odd-bizarre falsification, if not completely changed. in fact, the movie is totally gay and retarded. or, to rephrase that politically correct: this movie practices an alternative lifestyle and has special needs. hey! yo!
hey, yo! heey! yo, i am fresh dumbledore, back from the underground, back for more, i rap here, i rap there, i rap a hundred times better, than the dark lord, yo, motherfucker! good evening, professor dumbledore.
so, where is the child now? hagrid is getting it at the moment. hagrid? isn't he this ugly, hairy guy? you forgot "fat"! such an idiot! ouch, that hurt really bad. - here you are.- oh boy, that child is ugly! yeah, nearly as ugly as hagrid. well, let's put the child down on the doorstep
and then, we ring the doorbell and run of quickly. harry potter and a stone [evil, loud laughter] you son of a bitch! take that! eat that! yes! i killed him! come on! eat your molten shit! you son of a bitch, i will kill you! damn it, you stupid, fat, shit, bugger, ey! ui, it's my little smacky-sweeties birthday.
we bought so many gifts. - fucking stupid-ass family, ey...-aaand, well? oh, i am so excited, to see, how happy you will be about all of that. so? come on, what do you think? aren't they super awesome? i want to play "unreal turnament"! - well, unfortunately, we didn't get "unreal tournament", but...- play, you son of a bitch! - that he always has to yell...- i will... - i am sorry, um, well, it wasn't available, um i...- start the ...
- fucking game!- look, my little boy, - right now, we don't have "unreal tournament"...- oh, i hate him! but we can go to the zoo and buy a hippo for you. do something! come on, hurry up! - dude, shut up!- well, i don't need help and support, i don't need... ey, i'm sorry, ok? for this fat boy, pressing his nose against this pane, and stuff... huh? nah, never mind!
dude, you're able to speak! yeah, so what? yeah, but... snakes aren't able to speak! um... yes, they can! oh, okay. so, how are you doing? i've never talked to a snake. dude, i can't speak english! what the fuck is that?
out of my way! oh, fuck! gosh, this guy is starting to piss me of! thanksssss! sure! bye! help, a snake! the snake crawled out of the zoo and ate three children and a bike. shortly after that the dursleys abandoned harry at a rest stop...
fortunately the fat hagrid found him to take him to hogwarts. excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street? well, i'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons. oh, so you're selling water melons. no, no sir. we just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these chickens here. so, we are going into that pub now. damn, it's stinking in here.
ey, hagrid, the usual? oh, no. today, i have to go shopping with harry potter! gosh, harry potter! harry potter, i'm your biggest fan. yeah... hi, i - i saw you on the radio. what's happening? harry p.. p... p... p... huh?
oh, that's quirrel. he can't talk properly. um... yeah, hello! am i surrounded by idiots? well, i have to move along now, with my best friend harry potter! oh, i didn't want to cause such a stir. in the diagon alley... and now, harry, we'll go shopping! (yo, i think it's awesome!) (hey, let's go to my favorite store!)
um, i still need a wand! wand, right?! - yep, you get it over there at "ollivanders".- (i've got cholera!) (do you know the most recent joke? hagrid goes into a forest!) hello. hello? um... hello, i need a wand. hi! you won't get anything else in this store, dumbass!
yeah, let's have a look over here... (...but you don't know him...) (...because, he's like super, he is, you know...) eh? asshole... ...jerk... ...son of a bitch... ...i'll fuck you in your ass... ...mashed potatoes...
so, boy. here you are! [epic music] what? what's happening? where does the music come from? turn it off! [music stops abruptly] dude, i need this one. i want this one, how much is it? look, pimple-glasses, i make you an offer:
350€, and it's yours. in addition to that you get a free wand sock in green or pink. you can put your wand into the sock, and then, it doesn't get any scratches and is kept warm. who would need a warm wand? oh, these people are called gays. i assumed that you are one of those. (i've got cholera...) hagrid? you know me since i was a baby, and now, i have to ask you a question.
do you know, where i got this scar? and what happend to my parents? okay, listen, this is it: surely, someone has already told you about lord voldemort. told you, that he has allegedly killed your parents, and has given you that scar by using a curse on you. the thing about the curse, that's a lie. actually, he threw a stone at you. why did he threw a stone at me?
no idea, because he doesn't like you. anyway, your parents actually did die in a car accident. - what?!- chill, and order another coke! hey barkeeper, another coke! you know, your parents had quite a party. [extremely loud party music] what?! yup. they really painted the town red, they drank and drove.
crashed balls to the wall into a tree; i've never seen so much wood dash and blood splattered, it was pretty disgusting. and what about this voldemort? some say, he is dead. others say, that he lurks somewhere to throw stones, again. you know, harry, i would recommend, to never tell anyone, that the scar came from a stone, not a curse,
because it's hella embarrassing. ( ...the gap, the train departs now. ) platform 9 3/4? that's absolutly illogical, it makes no logical sense. why is it here? it has to be a literal mistake, that can't be correct, i mean... the intercity-express from london to hogwarts comes in at platform 9 3/4. stand back. there is a nigger running riot at platform 9, - he could be dangerous, watch out.- (leave me alone... fucking cops...) [jungle gibberish]
platform 3 is in this direction. excuse me, how do i get to platform 9 3/4? to platform 9 3/4? why would i tell you, you stupid idiot! jerk... you know, torsten and torben is actually the exact same thing. - the one thing is with a "b", and the other with a "st"- yo, you stand over there. to get to platform 9 3/4, we have to go this direction. alright, percy! you first! am i hare-brained? come on, fred and george! you two next!
we aren't fred and george! exactly, we're now called tintin and snowy! oh guys, those are ridiculous names. come on, move. okay... i'm only joking! we are called torsten and torben! excuse me... well, i also want to get to platform 9 3/4, so, i want to get through this... oh, you want to run against the wall, too? - well, no, through it...- ron also runs against the wall for the first time, today,
that's the grinning-cheek over there. - hello.- it's all good, it's easy: you just run towards the wall, - and then you are already through it.- okay! don't worry, you got that! i have a vagina! what a nice family... a train! i'm ron, wanna be friends?
sure, come in! you just asked that. oh, i'm sorry, sometimes i'm a little dumb. i've got a brain defect. oh, don't worry about it! my parents are siblings. oh, once someone threw a stone at my head. how embarrassing!
hey kids, do you want something to nibble? no, i still have cumbs of cookies, my mum made for me last year. yeah... entirely differnt topic, i just have to swagger a little bit. look, - how rich i am.- wow! yeah, but i don't buy anything! dude, can you eat without grunting, for a change? - you did buy something after all!- naw!
yes you did, otherwise, all those things would't be here! existence theory: is something real, just because we can see it? ey, do you want to kill me? i can't think about such things, otherwise my brain pops. ew... - uh, the gilb!- i'm the gilb, i make white curtains grey and... well, now he's probably dead. i killed it.
wow, i got fresh dumbledore! - (music) yo, i am fresh dumbledore,- turn it off, - (music) back from the underground,- i hate hip-hop! - (music) back for more...- okay. what kind of music do you usually listen to? i mostly listen to hardcore-punk. okaay... oh, by the way, that's ginny, my sister. wasn't that the little girl at the train station?
no, that was the rat scabbers, this is ginny! - i'm not stupid!- yeaah, sure... well, whatever... what are you doing? sunsh- hey, you wankers, did you coincidentally see a fat toad? do you mean the sweets-women? no... are you somehow retarded, or something?
or are you gay? i'm not retarded, i have special needs. i see.. and we're not gay. i don't know... like i said, retarded and gay! not like me, lesbian and hyper-intelligent. oho, lesbians. forget it, jerk, i'm not into boys.
i show you, what i'm into. that's a dildo. we girls use it because you boys don't cut it! oh, i'm so surprised, i have to take my glasses off. so, you have to... can you stop these wank-sounds? i'm not wanking, i'm smacking. yeah, sure.
- so, you have to chop your dicks off.- chop our dicks off? if you wanna be friends with me. you've got jizz at your nose, do you know that? doesn't look hot, right there. that's vanilla sauce! slowly but surely they verge on hogwarts. ...wicked! fresh dumbledore, i hope, that we meet him... ew, there is poop! ...it will be awesome, ey. i'm also a super thug, you know...
...my father stands outside the door, because my father is my father... welcome to hogwarts, dear children. in a moment, you will be sorted into your houses, i just have to do something for a second... it's true then? - huh?- what they're saying on the train, harry potter has come to hogwarts. ...harry potter... this is crap, and this ist goyle.
and i'm malfoy, draco malfoy. you think my name is funny, do you? yeah...? if you wanted to hurt my feelings, you succeeded, okay? you'll soon find out that some wizarding families are better than others, potter. and have no parents, who are siblings. come on, let's start a deliriously happy, big family.
in that case, i'm the man, and you're the woman, okay? - ja...- make way, faggot! so, in a moment, you will be sorted into your houses, come along to the great hall. (...she lied on the porch and...) (dude, i love hogwarts!) (something licked her feet, and she thought that it was the dog, which licked her feet), (but it was some lunatic, who did things like that from time to time...) i'm a lesbian, are you a lesbian, too?
- um... no?- cunt! no, no, no, children. stay there, it's member area from here, you can only pass if you have a backstage pass for fresh dumbledore. i've got one! he insisted on welcoming you with a free style rap. check it out! yo, what's up, nigger kids? ey, you smell as bad as cattle, really, like bullshit,
that makes my nose become clogged, um... yo! um... yo! yo, that's my homie filch, yo, big old sow, down below is his fat pussy, which is sometimes his wife. ey, he fucks her in the ass, he fucks her in the mouth, that makes the pussy stay fit and healthy. well, that's unfortunately already it. (i hate dumbledore!) now, you will be sorted into your houses, with that
smelly hat. now, i will call you up by non-alphabetical order. hermione granger! this old cunt called me up... do you think that hermione is into professor mcgonagall? eeew... oh, you're a lesbian, right? and you use dildos? alright, i put you into griffendor!
we got the lesbian! we got the lesbian! sit next to me! yeah, alright. draco malfoy! ohh, finally it's my turn. i waited such a long time. gay! - (ey, i'm into that!)- everyone, who is gay, get sorted into slytherin, and all the slytherins are evil!
unimportant secondary character! - well, that must be me than.- boah, she already looks unimportant. *g-rated sexscene!* harry, what's wrong? - nothing...- (we already stand here for ages...) nothing... unimportant secondary character and extras get sorted into hufflepuff! holy shit... i hate hufflepuff!
ronald weasley! now it's my turn. - (you can't be loud right now.)- i hope, i garner something. - i've never garnered something.- (we can start now, guys!) (we just whisper a little bit.) (or cough a little bit.) oh dude, i would really like to read your thoughts, boy, but you don't even have any. gosh, then i'll just sort you into griffindor!
well, now feel reassured. yeees! harry potter! (harry potter..?) you know, i don't get it, guys! why do you always start to whisper my name? you should really know me by now. it'll be pretty difficult in your case, boy, i can't classify you at all.
well, somehow you're not gay, but you're also not a lesbian and somehow, something in between, i don't really know about that. but you watched gay porn one time and jerked off pretty hard. i'm not gay, - i liked the music of the movie.- not gay, hmm? are you completely sure? where do i sort you into, i mean, you're not an extra, and you're not gay and not a lesbian,
but you never were in a relationship with a girl, and well, you look at the boys butts, so... - i'm not sure,- i'm not gay. - maybe you are gay after all-i'm not gay. - maybe you would be in good hands with slytherin.- i'm not gay. i'm not gay. well, all right, then: griffindor! we got potter! we got potter! hey, na? - hello.- (potteeer!)
(potter!) wow, fresh dumbledore gave me a nod. oh, this is the best day of my life. children, come on, keep your gobs shut! (but we don't say anything.) let's eat! wow! - wow, yeah!- food! dude, so awesome!
- ron, you grunt, again!- you're sitting next to me, and you're sitting next to me. i like you, and i like you. surely, we will be best friends. percy? who is this guy over there, with the long, black hair? what did you say? [incomprehensible stuttering]
oh, ok. what's his name? that's professor snape. he teaches potion classes, but in reality, he is after quirrels ass - um... job. what do i pick now? more chicken wings... hello! you think, it's chicken, what you're eating right now? think again!
why? what is it then? well, you're eating human flesh, as a matter of fact, my flesh. eh, that weren't chicken wings? what was it then? i just said that, you idiot, you're eating my flesh. if i just ate your penis, i'm gonna puke all over harrys lap! - why me?- it was my penis! oh my god... [vomiting sounds]
the next morning.... hurry, this way! oh, those jerks! oh, come on, ron! oh, dude! the castle is way too big, if we would walk, the movie would be over. it's not just a cat, it's a transformer! no, i'm a witch, just like you're a wizard, mr weasley. and would it be possible for mr potter to shut his mouth?
thank you. why are you late? we didn't find the little door of the advent calendar. it's july! - oh, that's the reason, we didn't find it.- come frigging punctually! you don't necessarily have to jerk off your morning boner! wherefrom does she know that? i don't really wanna know. (in the background) i'm looking forward to meet professor snape, he definitely will give good classes... there will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class!
what, it won't be in this class? i'm in the wrong class! [sounds of breaking glass] for those select few, who possess the predisposition, i can teach you, how to ***** and at the same time *****
with a ***** and then ***** ***** the whole arm into ***** and then really hard ***** and all that without lube. oh, how lush! some of you, however, - feel confident enough to,- this is the house of santa claus... - not pay attention...- this is the house of santa claus... srewed it up again.
pay attention, you jerk! mr potter, our new celebrity. what does he want from me? who plays the lead in "little but already screwed - part 37"? oh, me, me, me! you don't know? well, let's try again: where would you look, if i asked you to find me a inferno-dildo?
- oh, oh, i know that! i know that!- i really don't know. i don't really know either. me, me! why don't you pick hermione? exactly! i never pick girls. oh, just like me. how did i end up here?
look neville, i will cast a spell over you now! abracadabra simsalabim! didn't work. hasta la vista, baby! - hasta la baby, vista!?- what exactly is he trying to do? - abrakadabra, vista!?- i'm not quite sure, but i think, he is trying to kill neville. - avada kedavra!- maybe... (cool, is neville dead now?)
considering the smell, yes. oh, crap! war! [sounds of combat aircraft and explosions] can i have the newspaper? sure, i don't unterstand it anyway. huh, what's that? oh, no! neville is still alive. i've heard of that. that's a plastic-ball from a kellogg's-packet, you jerk!
yeah, but... why does my grandma sends me such crap? - because you're crap!- ey look, what's written in the contact ads. i just quickly read it to you: "shy, little moggy with tufty hair looks for sensitive man for romantic hours together. everybody thinks i'm a lesbian, but that's not true." signed "h.g."
super pathetic, isn't it? yeah! yeaah... pathetic... (red broomsticks, we probably already...) good afternoon, children! good afternoon, madam hooch! good afternoon amanda, good afternoon! (who the hell is amanda?) - (i don't know.)- welcome to your first quidditch-lesson.
position yourself on the left side of your broomstick, raise your right hand, and say: up! oh, therefore you have to move, here... stupor! for the left-hander it applys the other way round. pu! - since when are you left-handed?- (in the background) up, up, up, up, up, up, up! up! such a thick broomstick.
hurry up! up, up! oh, i said up! aaah, the broomstick rammed my nose bone into my brain! well, now you have to die. - shut up...- well, now, we will see, whether you can handle it. mount your broom and clamp it between your arse cheeks. a couple of you are probably quite experienced at this.
ouch! don't be so fussy! this will happen to you very often at this school. alright! when i blow my whistle, you kick of from the ground and fly away. on my whistle! one, two oh, god! oh, god!
why does only neville fly? i said, you should all fly away! neville! hey, where are you flying, you idiot? freeze! crap. out of the way! cool, is neville dead now? oh, did you fall, kid?
he is still alive! oops, a broken wrist. oh, a ball from a kellogg's-packet, made of plastic! alright, while i take neville to the hospital wing, you all stay on the ground. you better don't fly. if you fly off, i fetch my shotgun and gun you down! look, what i found: a ball!
made of plastic! cool! give it to me, malfoy! do i understand that correctly? you want to play with my balls? harry, if you fly after this fucking plastic-ball, i will hate you forever! but you already do that. what a jerk! some time later...
- hey, wait for me, you jerks!- yeah, yeah, quidditch was pretty... - yeah, yeah.- and what happened next? well, i took the ball from draco and now it's mine. oh, that's what you always play with in your pants in class. yeeah, with the ball... - harry, what's happening?- no idea! - hermoine, what's happening?- in case you didn't noticed, you jerk, hogwarts is a magical place, and moving stair cases are totally normal!
well, i don't know, where we are, but let's go this way. okay. i don't even know, why i'm coming with you. it smells here, like it does at my house. - it smells like cat-piss at your house?- oh, holy shit. yeah, but also like other kind of piss. you are able to differentiate different kinds of piss? yeeah. i'm afraid of cats!i'm afraid of cats!
i'm even more afraid of cats! oh god! oh god! - it doesn't open!- oh god, the cat probably wants to be stroked! just go aside! alohomora! quickly! i am highly allergic to cats. do you know what happens when cat hair touches my skin? it's sheer torment! have you seen someone, my little pussy?
no, give me some whiskas! another 2€. i can't afford it. fucking pussies! - oh my gosh, i hate pussies!- so do i. wow, i think i'm seeing double - six heads! oh my god! what luck that the brittle door has stopped the dog!
oh man! i do not know what's worse, the dog or the cat? - the dog!- for me it is definitely the cat. the cat hair you'll never get out of your clothes again. but i mean, that dog, wasn't it quite... i mean... it had three heads!
- what?- i find that rather "paranormal". - weren't there six heads?- you don't even know what "paranormal" means! yes, i know! - no.- yes. no! - ães!- listen, if ron tells you that he knows it, then that's the way it is. tell it to the marines! he doesn't even know what isopropilprophemilbarbitursaures-phenildimenthylaminophirazolon is.
and everyone knows that! he's the proof that evolution can go in reverse. i don't want anything to do with you guys. you wankers! i bet that she's going to hang out with us again tomorrow. hello, ladies and gentleman, now it's time for: hey harry, have you ever asked yourself:
"what's inside of that box?" no idea, a sawed woman? i'll tell you. 'cause i've already looked into it. watch it! inside the box - yes?- there are: quidditch balls! here, just take a look.
that's just a battered ball. and the best thing is, that it costs only 75.99 € and the quidditch goal posts (set of 3) you'll get for free! this offer is limited to "woods sooper dooper shop". what do you think of that? that ball is shit and that's all garbage. ah, you like negotiating!
the first 10 callers will receive this bat. - for free - cool, i'll beat the living daylights out of you with it. oh my god that's so incredible cheap that i could rolling on the floor with the quidditch balls all day long. and now i'm putting it in this suitable quidditch box.
certainly it's free, isn't it? no, of course not! it costs 399.99 € but that's actually pretty low-priced. think what's inside the box: you can't find this in any normal box just in the original box set of: "woods sooper dooper shop" look, this is the snitch.
oh a ball, made of plastic no, made of real gold it's worth much more than i will ever earn with this shitty infomercial. ok. so i suppose i'll take it, won't i? better not do that or i'll kick you in your balls. now give it back to me
otherwise it will fly away. fly away ball! yeah, i'm free! -oh no, my savings are flying away -wow -hello kids i'm professor flitwick i am, uh, a little, ugly, hairy guy do you have feathers with you?
-yeah, here -good 'cause we are in letting-a-feather-fly class hey, wow great, right? -no-it's not useful let's say it together -that's not useful for anything -great!
now i teach you another spell this school is total garbage and full off faggots say it together! -this school is total garbage and full off faggots [unintelligible mumbling] -ron, stop, stop, stop first of all, learn to speak without to drool anyways, you stress it wrong
it's faggot and not fagooot -do it yourself if you're so super smart -alright -isn't it weird that you can let a feather fly with this strange spell? ha! but i just thought it up -i also want to think something up! avada kedavra, simsalabim chim- chimedi chim chim
-isn't 'chim- chimedi chim chim' an unforgivable curse? seems like you go to azkaban shit. -ey, i sat next to hermione today! and she smells exactly like my mum just made fish i know that girls smell like that, but she smelled very obtrusively -she heard that -that was a compliment!
i like fish -where's hemione? -parvati says she's in the girl's bathroom she hasn't came out there for hours i think she has diarrhea -too much information -hey yo, what's going on, you moving whoopee cushion? -troll in the basement [panicky screaming]
-shut up! please don't panic! -who's panicking? nobody is panickiiing [breaking glass] -for you to calm down, i'll sing a calming rap yo, yo, yo shut up ey, you know if you aren't quiet -ugh, let's go, that's boring -hey! what do you think you're doing?
hey, listen to me (fucking kids) (ahh, fucking shit) (ouhw, i think i have to go to the toilet) -hip hop isn't for you little kids come with me, i'll show you my death metal collection! how could a troll enter this building? not without help, trolls are really stupid most of the time but i am here too, so ...-(ey, dude!)
what is the problem? hermione! she doesn't know! -ouh, shit..-follow me! (oh no..) oh, he is a good singer come with me is he going to the girls bathroom? -yes!-thats stupid.
[sobbing] sheesh, i never had diarrhea -that- violent before. hey, sweetie! want to play? the bad thing about this situation is i have to go to the toilet again! [screams and sounds of splattering wood] - here we come and save you! -oh no, not these jerks again.
-die, fat-ass! die! -kame-hame ... haaa! cool, i hit him! -i can't believe it. a disabled jerk with velcro shoes saved my life?! -hah, how embarrassing!-she means you. -oh.-and... what type of spell was that? -oh, just kamehame ha! -that's from a cartoon, ron.
-yeah, but it worked!-is he dead now, or what? -hmm, i don't know. we should curbstomp his skull, just to be sure. -oh, no! oh my, what a mess! i need an explanation from both of you! -it was my fault, prof. mcgonnagall. -miss granger! -yeah, well ..
i had really violent diarrhea and the shit flowed down my legs and then i also got my period and then the blood mixed up with all the shit and that may attracted the troll -are you looking on my knee, horny slut? -yes. -you will lie on them soon -i am soo sorry. -take a diaper with you the next time!
-yeah ...-i know that feeling. -bah, i shouldn't visualize everything.-and you two ... what are you doing in here? this is the girls bathroom! no, don't tell me. better explain what that brain puddle on the ground is -it was like this, when we came. -(yes, exactly!)-you are going to clean that! maybe i should really allow them to jack off their morning boners.
-hah, nice! -jerks ... -at least they won't annoy me during the day. -oh hello ... i'ts your time tonight.-oh man. that was an experience, wasn't it? hey, where are you going? do i have to clean now? -the menstrual fluid consists of blood from the uterus and parts of the endometrium. -ey, i am eating!
-hey little sparrow. i've got a surprise for you. you surely like .. rabbit babies. -uhm, yes. -then come to me today. i have some. you can pet them as long as you want to ..... -okay! i look forward to see the rabbit babies! -harry, how stupid are you?
-hey, if you want to give me a lesson now, about that boys should rather play with toy cars than rabbit babies, then you've made a big mistake there. i am not hesitating to say it. i like little cuddly ... -harry, that is an old trick, snape just want's to fuck you in the ass. d-don't change the subject now. we are talking about rabbit babies and not if you should sleep with old men. right, ron?
-huh? buttsex? -exactly! buttsex and rabbit babies! got it now? -uh, no.-me neither. oh, no! war! again! [war sounds] -huh? -what's that? a dildo? -the package looks like a broomstick. -i am really wondering what's inside.
-surely a oversized toilet brush! -surely a dildo! -no, a toilet brush! -no, a dildo! -but for sure no broomstick that would be too obvious. wow, in the package which looked like a broomstick was a broomstick! -that is not a normal broomstick, harry.
it's a niiii ... niim ... niimbu ... niimbuus ... 200!- 2000, you down syndrome! -who sends something like that to me? -i think mcgonnagall another old person you can sleep with!
nice. (heyho, heyho) (we are happy ...) (heyho!) (heyho, heyho, heyho!) -what am i doing here? -hi harry! -hello wood. -if you are interested in it
"woods sooper dooper shop" was canceled. -what? canceled? now there aren't any quidditch balls anymore. and no china dolls and no glitter foil. i liked it the most. -yeah, sorry. [incomprehensible jungle mumbling] we love you, nigger!
harry, harry! i am feeling like bibi blocksberg on "kartoffelbrei", only that i am not a girl and that my broomstick doesn't have such a stupid name. oh shit, thats deep. good that i don't have acrophobia, that would be really embarrassing. -good afternoon, kids. good afternoon, amanda. -(who is amanda?)
-let's see if you have learned something in my lessons, suckers! -hey harry, know me? i am the snitch, and you, you are ugly! -fight to death! [more unintelligible jungle mumbling] -yeah, super! gryffindor! -yo! hey, who are you?-hi.
oops. -yeah, my turn. yeah, boah! [breaking bones and screams] i'm not missing this. yeah. -fucking shit. -i wish someone would have explained me how that game works. i don't know what i am supposed to do. -catch me!
[sounds close to vomiting] -what is harry doing? -(help!)-i don't know, but it looks really stupid. -there! -yes ...-hermione, are you looking to snape? -yes! i really need to go to his place right now! -you mean he is hexing harrys broomstick and you want to stop him? yes, yes ... exactly. oh god, i'm feeling sick.
[vomiting] -(eww, harry vomited on me) -sorry! -holy shit. -i hope he is falling into my arms. -wow, i walked to the other side of the quidditch court in ten seconds! -heeeeelpppp. -yeah, i like it when he screams.-so old faggot, now i am making you hot.
ene-mene-thick-cock ... contact-soon-with-the-fire and-who-doesn't-know-lube knows-that-it-burns! -aww, somehow it smells like fish. -oh my god, you are on fire! -fire! -oh no, my coat! oh no, no. my coat!
-okay. now. now i am getting the snitch! -go harry, go harry! -get out of the way, fat-ass! -don't call me fat-ass. i lost 10 pounds last month! -judging by your look, you are surely supporting the stop-the-whale-killing movement. -shut up, stupid cow! -you know what? you aren't fat.
-but your green clothes make you look like you were. -what? oh my god. i need to change immediately. stupid idiot. come on, snitch, now i get you. but first, surfing! [hawaii music] -(oh my.)
-what the fuck is up with harry? -hmm. looks like he has to puke. -bah, your mouth is disgusting. -when did you brush your teeth the last time? -gryffindor wins! -we won! we won! - yo, that's my man, man! - the broomstick is from me...! - soon he will get something from me.
- yeah, yeah! we did it, harry! - i have the snitch!- you can let me go now. - i have the snitch, yeah! - let me go! - let me go finally! let me go!- shut up! - why are you doing this? - my snitch!- let me go already! let me go!
- nice fresh air out here, kids. [farting sonds] - yes. by the way, what is the matter with this three headed dog, hagrid? - who told you about pongo? - pongo?- that's the dog from "101 dalmatians" - thats fucking unimaginative, hagrid. - way better than "hermione". - heey.- i bought him from this tv show: "ugly, mutated shit-animals search a new home"
- really? - there were also a dachshund with 5 left legs, but i thought that would be useless. - yeah, but why do you even get such a dumb dog i mean, why is he in there?- yeah, why? - i can't tell you that, sorry. it's top secret. - hagrid, now honestly, you are fat, you are ugly, you are hairy and you stink. at least we are faking that we like you.
so you could be nice enough to tell us that secret now. - yeah, right. - my words. - oh, and i also faked that i liked you and you were my friends at no time. now you all surely have an inferiority complex. - well me, yes. - and i will never tell you that it has something to do with nicholas flamel. - nicholas flamel?- (flamel...?) - i shouldn't have said that it has something to do with nicholas flamel.
i shouldn't have said that it's classified. - who is nicholas flamel? - he doesn't have anything to do with dumbledore! - i think he has something to do with dumbledore. - damn. who told you that? [generic winter music] [groaning] [screaming girl] - interesting that there are still people in hogwarts who get scared by the ghosts.
- (jingle bells, jingle bells) (jingle all the way) (oh, what fun it is to ride) (in a one horse open sleigh) (yay!)- (shut up, flitwick!) - what are they doing there? - knight to e5! - ron, you are not able to play chess! you are not even able to play kindergarten memory.
- queen to e5! - die, white asshole! - my eye! - since when are you able to think logically? - i recently got an baboon brain implant! you don't have something like this, right? - no. no, sadly not. - i am now able to solve one digit additions within an hour!
wow, thats really impressive. yeah, should i demonstrate it? listen. 2+4+...- yeah wonderful. i am going to draw a little star on your sheet. so, i just wanted to tell you that i am away for christmas vacation and because of that you sadly can't sleep with me.- we can't sleep with you anyway, you are lesbian!- i also thought this. well, since i know you guys, many things have changed. merry christmas! now that i am intellectual she is into me.
[snoring] [loud unidentifiable noise] - what, what? [loud punk music] stop! ron! ron, do you really need to listen to your hardcore punk that early? - what? i can't hear you, the music is too loud! - stop the music!
- what the fuck are you wearing? - why? that's fashion! you also get one! - what? i also get a stylish brown wool pullover? - yes! - wow! i wanted one all my life! awesome! uiuiui! presents, presents, presents! which one do i open first?
that! - bonbon. - first i will read the card fuck, no money. "dear harry your father left this in my possession before his died." use it well, your ... secret admirer." - it's not from me.
- oah, the package is complicated. one string. - what is that? - a coat smelling like ejaculation. - nice, put it on! - holy shit! - my penis disappeared! - that's an invisibility-making invisibility coat which makes you invisible! - ou, i have a invisible penis!
swing! - hah, what you could do with that ...- yeah ... - who do you think is this secret admirer? - i don't know. and what does he mean with "use it well"? should i jack off while being invisible? i just can't get off without something to fap to. there has to be an adult section somewhere in this library. ahh, 18+!
hopefully ... i am able to crack that complicated lock. so... let's see... "playboy" ... too oldschool. "cock-addicted asians do it with horses but also with dogs." too exotic. ah! that looks interesting!
"submissive sluts suck your dick until it is empty" yeah, that ... that sounds like quality. yeah, that will be nice. yeah ... - blow me! - no... no, no, no. no, that is definitely not my fetish. - who's there? - let's get out of here quickly.
fuck! fuck you, you fucking fuck! i can never jack off in peace. shit, shit, shit ... shit, shit, shit, shit ... - is it you, my little pussy? why do you run away from me at night? everyday i pay 2€ for a fucking can of whiskas, the least i could get for that is some love! come to me, kitty-kitty-cat!
where are you? - oh, man. it's true that he fucks his cat ... oh god. i really need to get out of here. oh, fuck. - what do you want? - oh you know what i want, baby. - i told you that i am not ready for that!
- ouh, i like it when you fart. - thanks. - ey, wherever i go, everywhere perverts! i'm feeling sick. - ouh, is there someone? hmm. i need to go to manicure sometime soon. and now back to us. you know what i am doing with that finger now? - no?- i'm going to put it in in you. down there.
and you shut up and kiss me! - hey, faggots. look what i have found! a lamp! it's broken. - yeah. and why are telling us that now? - i just needed a way to annoy you, hehe. - oh come with me. - hey! hey, wait!
can i participate? - no.- am i allowed to watch? - no.- am i allowed to stand in front of the door? - okay!- yes, nice. come on, pussy! - no! give me whiskas! after some strains harry managed to live through the christmas holidays without getting sexually assaulted. but hermione had other plans for him. - so. here you have a biology textbook. there is everything in there what you need to know about female anatomy. for example about the clitoris.
- the clitoris doesn't exist, this is just a myth. - be careful what you say, she makes the death-stare. - "the clitoris means literally "small hill" and is the central organ of the female lust." - yeah and that's none of my business.- yes, really. - guys, really, if you want to fuck me today, then you need to know that! - oh, okay.
- "the clitoris consists of a part which looks like a small cylinder and of two erectile tissues. on arousal, the blood accumulates in the erectile tissues and the organ enlarges, similar to the penis. - huh? like the penis? - the penis is the male sex organ.- i know that it is the male... - i want to hear that. - "in the not aroused state, the clitoris has a size of about 3 centimeters," on increasing arousal, the clitoris withdraws itself inside the foreskin. the clitoris gets indirectly stimulated by the penis inside of the vagina."
i hope you guys now know what i want from you. and if you don't succeed the first time, we do it again and again and again! - hey, we're gonna prank hagrid! that will be so funny - yes? - prank buzzing! - well if you do prank buzzing, you have to run away after you do it. - oh shit, yes. let's do it again.
prank buzzing! - you guys don't get it, do you? - pip. pip. - that was the awesomest shit we have ever done! - yeah. what do we do next? - let's write "mcgonnagall is stupid" with chalk on the schoolyard! - yeah...! oh, shit ... - i've heard exactly what you said.
- hi, it's me, draco malfoy i thought, it's time to appear again. in my career at this school, i witnessed many stupid pranks, drug crimes, vandalism, arson, but never something as pitiful as you. prank buzzing, that joke is older than me. as a punishment, you will go with hagrid into the forest tonight. - oh fuck, not with hagrid! - noooo...!- i hate hagrid!
be happy that is just hagrid and not snape he would do other things with you four. - uhm, excuse me, appreciated school directress i understood "you four". can't you count, fat, old cow? - did you just call me fat? i knew your grandma. she was fat. your mom was also fat. and your father
is lying drunk in front of walmart and smells like sausage. - oh, how embarrassing!- that should answer your question why i send you four suckers into the forest. - shut up, out there. i want to sleep! - yeah, that is disturbance of the peace.-i have known someone who knew - who has been lying saturday on the- (shut up!)- (you shut up!) - front porch and she was barefoot, you know?- (no, you shut up!) - and something licked on her feet and she thought it was the dog, but it wasn't, hehe.
did i tell you the story how i got my little pussy? - you bought it from the tv show "ugly, mutated shit-animals search a new home"? - uhm, no. - "woods super dooper shop"? - no.- you bought a lot of ham and let it rot until it grew hair? - no... i will tell you the story later. - hey hagrid!
i envy you. you can now go with four sweet little kids into the forest and do whatever you want to them. - what?- hey! - i won't go anywhere with them ... they insulted me. they do prank buzzing. and they sad i would be fat and hairy. - hagrid, you would be the last person on this planet i would call fat and hairy. you hurt me deeply.
i thought we were friends. and now you are hurting my feelings! i won't accept your pranks any longer. - everyone pranks you, hagrid. even my cat. i won't go anywhere with these kids. - i hate them!- you could revenge on them brutally in the forest. - hey, i don't even know this guy, i don't want to go into the forest. bring me back to the castle! oh, well ...
i just changed my opinion. - you don't know what you are missing. when i take my denture out. well then ... good night, kids. also a good night to you, sweetie. - uhm, thanks. - well, i'll give you another chance. - follow me into the forest! what's that?
- hagrid, what is that? - we are here because of that. - you see that? - that's unicorn sperm.- unicorn? - sperm? - uhm... oh, fuck, the word has already ended.- well... ...the unicorns are in the rutting seasion they rub themselves on trees and blow their load. [ unicorn moaning ]
- oh yeah, nice tree! - our mission is to stop them from doing that. we don't want them to cover the whole forest in sperm and you step into a sperm puddle, you don't want that, do you? - oh, i want to... - if you see a unicorn rubbing itself on a tree kick it in the balls. - okay. - hey, that's animal abuse!
- but it's our mission to kick someone into the balls. - and if you don't want to kick the unicorn, kick the dog next to you instead. - what dog? - dog? - i somehow didn't hear hagrid farting for a long time. - be happy. why do you think this forest is dead? if he is farting one time, it burns away your nose hair. - yeah, but i think it's strange.
- hagrid? hagri..! he's not here! - oh no, we lost our group! - don't worry, i will guide us out of the forest. i was a scout once. - really? how many badges do you have? - badges? i thought you just have to jerk off the leader. huh, i think we took a wrong turn earlier.
- hey...do you hear that too? - huh? - what is this? don't you hear that?...huh? i am so surprised, i have to touch my head! [ grasps for air ] - [ sucking and licking sounds ] sperm! - [ screeches ] - sperm!
sperm! [ malfoy screeching in the background ] give me... your sperm! - uh, erm, i am still underaged! - ah, so you are still fresh! hahahaha! - shit! shit! [ harry whining ] - come here! i will suck you dry!
[ firenze neighs ] ♫ i need a hero ♫ ♫ i'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night ♫ - it just started to get hot. what kind of horse is that? hey, excuse me? - are you somehow a minotaur or so? - no. - are you...are you a centaur?
- no. i am a turtletaur. - err... ...then you are a mix between a horse, a human and a turtle dove? - yes, exactly. but i certainly don't have to tell you that this was an abnormal act of procreation. - oh, the poor dove. - do you se that unicorn there? - this was my friend. he had the thickest horn in the whole forest. and now he is dead! this creature has totally sucked him out.
- well. i am really sorry about your friend... ...but i mean, a sperm addicted creature... ...that's totally hot! - that's not hot at all if you die because of that you insensitive wankhead! - well, i'd like to die like that! - harry! harry is everything alright? - oh, as i see it you kicked the unicorn in the balls so hard that it died. well done harry. - what?
- very well done. - hey! - yes, thank you. - hey, are you all a bit shitty or so? my friend just died. what stupid move is this anyway to go into the forest and kick unicorn in the balls? from where do you even come from you antisocials? i'm leaving! [ neighs ]
[ clopping sounds ] - you mean, a sex addicted monster is in the forest in this very second? - sperm addicted to be exact. i don't think it's about the sex or about the person it just wants the sperm! - and what is bad about it? - after all it killed unicorns and totally sucked them out. that thing is insatiable and it always wants more! and the worst is...
...it almost got me too! - erm, harry? er, a question now, i know you're taumatised now but... ...did he have beautiful, full lips? - ron! - he had the most beautiful lips i have ever seen in my whole life! - harry! - iiiiiiit just crosses my mind that i lost an eraser in the forest. i absolutely have to get that back! - oah, i believe i'm being fucked by a horse.
boys... ...are you really that desperately horny to let yourselves get deflowered by some monster from the forest? - uhuh! - why deflowered? *ping!* - here we go! you don't need an abnormal monster for that at all... ...you just need an abnormal girl. one like me! hm! - hm. mhm. it's clear baby.
- never ever...call me baby again! the following scenes are not appropriate for viewers under the age of 18. ♫ i wanna make love to you ♫ hermione: turn off this shit! nobody can fuck to this beat! ron: excatly! harry: err, ron! ron: what is it? harry: this is my bed! ron: err... ♫ let's fuck ♫
*abnormal porn scenes, that not even 60-year-olds accompanied by their parents are allowed to see. ♫ [ moaning ] ♫ - i'm running across the schoolyard! i'm running across the schoolyard! i'm running across the schoolyard, wooooohooohohoho! - oh god, do i have a headache... ...oh i have a headache. i have a feeling like somebody hit my head against the wall for hours! ohh, ow, ow!- err, well... ...that was me!
- why did you do that? - well, i found it to be hot! - me too! - as if i didn't have enough scars on my forehead already! - it's less embarassing than being thrown at with a stone. - shit, hagrid! - [ rips out loud fart while playing the flute ] [ animal in the background grasps for air ] hey, let's go, come with me. now we act again as if we were his friends
and then we'll fuck him over for real and by that we'll break his thick, fat heart weighing tons, okay? [ sounds of approval from others ]- hey, that's going to be so funny and i already know the super great joke that we'll pull for him - uhuh, that's going to be so sick! [ all three giggling ] hey, hagrid! hagrid! what holds a flute in its hand and stinks? - err, what holds a flute in its hand and stinks? i dunno, is that a catch question? - [ all three giggling ]
- hey... hey!!! - [ grading work ] poor, poor, insufficient... - mcgonagall! professor mcgonagall! [ gasping for air ] professor mcgonagall i just wanted to tell you that you are an ugly, old thunderstorm-goat*!*can be translated as hag - thunderstorm-goat, now that's a great insult. - yes, yes, isn't it!?
-respect, it derives from the twelth century, but otherwise you're up to date, aren't you? - we're totally them dissers now, and we bully everyone! and we put everybody down! [ cricket sound ] and just now we fucked hagrid over again! ron and hermione: uhuuh! - not prank buzzing again, right? ron and hermione: errrr...erm...- no, no, much worse, much meaner!
- er..fair enough, i'll give you one minus point then! and now get lost! - oh awesome one minus point! yeah, we're totally the gangsters! harry and ron: yeah...yeah! yeah...- err...er... - to snitch on yourself is totally awesome. soon we'll be the most feared gang in hogwarts. - absobloodylutely! hey, i have an idea. we'll realise the total burner plan tonight. we'll pull the nastiest prank we've ever made! - i fancy pissing in someones shoes!
harry and ron: err...- hello you sweeties! hello my little sparrow! - hi... - ugh, you did not come to my place recently, the baby rabbits had to wait for you for a long time. and me too. is this rabbit story not a little bit corny? i mean who falls for it except harry? - ah, really? do you know what happened to the rabbits?
- on wednesday, thursday an friday... ...they all died! they had an unfortunate fall off of the stairs. mhmmm. [ harry sobbing ] ♫ star wars theme playing ♫ - i am sorry harry! - the rabbit babies died because i didn't come. and it's your fault! harry: in the following night it was time.
we wanted to make hogwarts history as the meanest gang of all time. back then i didn't know what awaited me. today i know: everybody has to attempt something big in life. everbody has to pass the test of life. but with rons baboon brain and hermiones dildo i had a chance. and our first test was... - hey guys, did you already see my new, blue pajama?
there are teddy bears on it, isn't that super awesome? - i don't find teddy bears to be super awesome neville, i...- i also have one... ...with firetrucks and hydrants on it, cool huh? - er, i...- watch me, i learned to dance the boogie. ♫ doodoo dododoo ♫ - now finally shut up you fatass! avada kedavra! - woah, you killed neville. so many tried that.
you did it. i think i love you. - ugh, now don't become sentimental. - hey, let's get away before he starts to stink. poor pig. ron: [ sniffs neville ] ew, doodoo. harry: well, then there was all this other action shit with pongo the mongo dog... [ pongo growling ] ...the huge clichã©d tentacle monster that you know from every hentai porn...
harry: ah, my nostrils!*censored* ...stupid flying-around keys... .. and the chess game in which my allegedly best friend ron was played by a stunt double. ♫ dramatic music playing ♫ stunt double? that can't be! an awesome friend you are! - ron! ron! everything alright?- oah, now don't play theatrically dead! and by the way hermione, since when do you care about ron?
it almost seems like as if you were in love with him! just confess it! - huh!? - and if that's the case... ...then i don't want to stand between you two anymore. - you don't seriously think that i would fall in love with someone like him or you? you are as dumb as toasted bread. - a... ...am i wholemeal toast? - oh, i'll tell you something about toasted bread.
toast is english and means to toast. or from the latin tostus, dried. it's a special, fine pored, white tin loaf with thin crust. - hmhm, yes. - before the consumption it is being toasted in slices with a so-called toaster. - ♫ nanananana... ♫ ♫ nanananana... ♫ since hermione had to brag with her huge brain again, i decided to realise the plan all by myself,
not suspecting that also someone else had the same idea. [ mumbling ] - hello. - [ farts ] - hey, you are quirrell, aren't you? the guy that can't talk properly and that always farts. - he, the farting one is not true at all and that i can't talk properly is also a lie. [ farting sounds ]
- what are you even doing in the middle of the night in the cellar, in front of a big mirror? - the same as you. realise a nasty plan! - realising a nasty plan, i had that idea as well! - yeah, i'm actually not as nice and friendly as everbody thinks. i am totally evil and mean and nasty! - yeah, but your lilac clothes are not really that threatening. - but your red sweatshirt or what? and your stupid round glasses.
- hey, don't say anything about my red sweatshirt and my glasses or else i'll point at you and take a step closer to you. - oh yes? what stands in front of the staircase and pisses itself in its throusers out of fear? - erm... - you see, it's so not funny, much less nasty. you don't have the pure evil inside of you, like i do.
- oah, headache, why did hermione hit me against the wall so hard. - that is lord voldemort. - my head. it is in me. [ humming fly ] - oh, a fly! - would you be so kind and listen to me while i tell about my nasty plan? come here. - ah, i most go towards you♫ ahhhhhhhhh ♫ ahhh i can't fight it♫ ahhhhhhahhhahhhh ♫
♫ ahhhhahahahaaa ♫ - you're only supposed to come here and not sing.♫ ahahahahahah ♫ - [ coughs ] woah the one in the mirror looks well shitty... ...good that i don't look like that. - and now listen to my evil plan and finally pay attention to me! _ oh i hear a voice in the back of my head. - yes, i know slowly go away backwards... - unfortunately you can't hear it
because it only speaks to me, but erm i'll just unwrap the hand towel real quick. - oh, my chance to run away! but i want to know what is under the hand towel. ♫ thrilling music plays ♫ - harry potter! - oah! it was you back then who threw a stone at me! - yes
and before i kill you now and finish the nasty plan i'll do it like every other villain. first, i'll tell you my whole life story. well then, back when i was a little boy...- naw, bye! hey stay still! - oh, oh! fire! oh, i can't jump over a meter of fire! oh, i can't get out anymore.
aaand i have to stay here. there i stood now. trapped because of voldemorts firewall* *literally [ not a pun in german language ] that was only one meter high though and had plenty of gaps that one could jump through but i was an idiot. man, am i an idiot! - ehehehe, that's true. - ey! - exactly like your stupid parents!
- hey, they weren't stupid!- i know... ...harry... - oah, what!? - do you have any memory of this sound? ♫ techno music from their halloween party plays ♫ - you really think your parents died in a car accident? ehehehehe... yes, i killed them! i actually gnawed on their car cables... - it just crosses my mind that i found a stone before.- and i mixed drugs in their drinks...
- i have a feeling like it's important now...voldemort: and then i threw a stone at you. - so voldemort did murder my parents.- and then your whole family...[ voldermort babbling in the bakcground ] he threw a stone at me and since then i have this embarassing scar on my forehead because of which everybody laughs at me. but now i have a stone... ... and to connect alll of this logically now, i need the jeopardy music! [ humming along ] - he, what do you want to do with this stone? do you want to revenge your parents by throwing it at me?
- oh man don't spoil it! - you will never defeat me! - [ farting motorbike sound ] [ gasping and farting ] - just you wait! ah! - ow, ooh! why did no one tell me that harry is a fire demon? oh... - yeah i also wish i had known that before. ha, fire hands,
cool. or rather hot. - oah shit, my favorite hand. - hey, what is going there? i don't see anything back here. - well i just take my other hand then! ow, ow, oooooooow! ow, ow, that hurts, damn! i slowly get the feeling that you want to kill me! - oah, cool, hahaha. - ohhh....huh?
- [ farting noises ] *poof* - shit happens! the stone... this stone will from today on... be a symbol of my victory over voldemort. i paid him back... the twister!
noooooooooooooo! ahhhhh! i don't see anything. put on glasses first. that i see of course. [ gasps ] and suddenly i can see! i am just in the hospital and i have bonbons! - yoyoyooo! - err?
- yo harry how are you then it's me fresh dumbledore, with my rad flow! i hope that you are well, i hope that you are glad! - yes, i am doing well...eh... -that's really great, you know what? i come precisely, i come radly. eh, we need bass. ♫ fresh ♫what, we need bass? what's going on dude?
wha'ts going on dude? you don't seem like you already know the rapper jargon. - eh, yes.- well then my homie... ...do you have any memories of what happened yesterday night? - i had a strange dream. i dreamt that i found a stone and then sad music came on and i died.
-to be exact, you delivered a phat battle and that with lord voldemort! you will forever and ever have my respect, boy! - yes, thank you can you please take your hand off of my knee? this is sexual harassment. - he, if i'd get ten cents everytime somebody said this to me then i would be rich by now! uhuuh! - what...what do you want from me? - love, harry.
love. - no, no, please not! - ayayay. bye. yeah, yeah [ beat boxing ] hermione: i hope that harry died this stupid wanker! ron: why?-well then the two of us would be alone screw harry!- yes, screw harry!
- ahem! - oh, hi harry... - hey guys. - oh, hey harry, you are still alive! - mhhh! well, it looks like it. did you miss me? - oh yes, a lot! [ through teeth: i hate youuu... ] - [ through teeth: hate you too... ]
[ crowd babbling ] - [ taps glass ] - children, shut your mouths for once. fresh dumbledore wants to do another freestyle rap. [ beat boxing ]- yoo though i am an old man but that doesn't man that i can't rap. you probably can't rap as good as me that's why i'm spitting into your faces.
you're shit. i know what i'm called. fresh dumbledore!hermione: shut your mouth for once... goes into your ears! once in, out again, that's what it looks like. hermione: yeah, bravo... [ yawning ] great. super.
- well i slowly get the feeling you don't actually like my raps and you do just decency claps no matter what i say. [ fake clapping and cheering ] - yeah, yeees......- [ fresh d talking in the background ] ... you idiots! hey. i have a message to fortell* you.* he uses a mix between a germand and an english word slytherin wins the house cup!
- yay, well i am really happy about that! - [ sighs ] - mhhh, yeah. - we gays rule! hm. - greeeat... - yo, don't celebrate just yet! because i have some extra points to distribute... ... in a way that makes griffindor win! - ugh, now the old geezer has spoilt the end, is he dumb. - okay, that's now...
...going to be less thrilling as i planned it. oh well... i'm giving points to for calmly using her huge brain when others were in great danger. and because she's a lesbian and i think it's hot! fifty points! [ cheering ] lesbians! lesbians! lesbians! lesbians!- ugh why doesn't he think that gay guys are hot?
- man i wish i was a lesbian. - thank you! additionally... ... i also give points tooo... ...ronald weasley! - [ others whispering in disbelief ]- me? - yes, you!- just because he is so retarded and dumb... ...and that's funny.harry: hey, he has special needs! - fifty points.
- i wish i was retarded! - wankers.... - but that wasn't all... i also give points to harry potter. - huh, i didn't expect this at all! - hundred points, just like that because i think he's cute! - before he used to think that i was cute! - i don't know if i should cry or laugh.
- ohoho. i also think he's cute. - dumbledore is exorbitantly incommodating*!*he is extremely harassing - huh? what did she say? what did she say? - i'm not done yet. i'm giving a half, final point to somebody who always resurrects, no matter how many times you kill him.
to neville longbottom! - wooo, neville you dumb idiot: you actually are useful for something!- huuuh? - neviiiiille! - hey neville you're still alive, are you a zombie or something like that? - uh, yeeah? - that's probably why he smells like that. - neville! neville! - neviiiiiille!- well...
... that was it, no more extra points to give. well i guess you could say: i am old, i am soon dead green becomes red! clap! - yeeh! - griffindor wins the house cup! - yes! oh... - wohoo!
harry: wow, slow motion! griffindors: we have won! we have won! - aw, man. - yes, ruffle ruffle. ruffle ruflle. - all the best for your birthday!- i want to congratulate too! - yes, we have won and the others have lost, hihihihihi. - eheheheheh. - hihihi...
- go! go! get into the train! get finally lost you shitty children! hermione: [ sighs ] bye you fatflab! - bye...you stupid...cow! - ey, he called me a cow! take vengeance for me! - oah, nobody insults my favorite friend!
- yes...- did you still not get it fatass? we diss here don't you have any respect for us? - hey i can insult myself. i don't have any respect. but wait, a have a gift here for you. there you go. - wha'ts this? ♫ music from the halloween party playing ♫ - okay you found my raw spot.
- yes. - i would think again about insulting me. *ping* got it? go! piss off! - eheh, i hate you. - hey, what is going on, what did he say? did he put you down? i won't diss him anymore. but he's going to be fat forever. hm.
bye! get home badly! [ farts ] - oah, i can't smell this dude any longer. [ hermione coughing ] - door shut. bye. - i wish you ugly holidays! byeeee! ♫ rock music playing ♫ for real now. my name is kathrin.
and i do harrys voice. and i'm a giiiiiirllll! maybe we'll see each other again at 'harry potter and the loo of terror"**the chamber of secrets was translated as chamber of terror byee! you wankers... english subtitles by:vlamcake, dizcrowd, tascha11 and fusionlightcat
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