alright, hi everybody, it's the ginger hereand uh i'm here to watch this fantastically horrible movie, "ice queen". i have a smallrule as far as movies go when you're at the movie store- if it has a picture of the villainor the bad guy on the cover like, a big picture, then it's going to be a crappy movie. trustme, i'm right. we have the titles here, it's "ice queen", came out in 2005, very unfortunatethat they did not have an icicle for the "i" in that, because, uh, that would have beenthe only appropriate time. kind of a missed opportunity. alright, so we now have a brigadeof military trucks seemingly protecting a large vat of highlighter ink. ah, 420 toxic,so i guess that's a bit of a rastafarian shout-out there. very nice. alright, i'm just gonnaask, how did this movie afford a helicopter?
how did this movie afford ammo for the helicopter?if you can see, it's loaded. it's like the lowest of low budget movies. it can't evenafford real snow. wow. yeah, i don't think anybody's life was worth this stunt. if youcan't see, they're flying pretty low and they're flying near powerlines. and that's a horribleidea in a helicopter. ok... it's kind of randomly... oh how dangerous, and it just switched sidesof the road! the truck has magically switched sides of the road! the truck has magicallyflipped! love how it just fired those last couple shots. why? just cause it wants to.alright, so, who's stealing here? well, they're stealing from the military and they're bigbad orange guys... wow. you've got to love a movie that can't afford real fire. thosewere the fakest flames eva. ok... so what
are we up to now? ok, we're opening the vat...there's a bottle blonde inside of the vat. a bottle blonde whose hair has magically changedcolor when coming out of the vat. nice, very modest corpse. good for you, corpse. i actuallyappreciate it. there's like no nudity in this movie except for one scene and it's like,really graphic. i'm kind of surprised that they didn't go there with this. i'm glad theydidn't. but still. i find it interesting that this woman here is billed as a "new discovery"forthe rest of the movie, apparently they found her in the amazon (according to the back ofthe cover) so, found her in the amazon, limp, like this, a corpse, and uh, so, if you founda corpse in the amazon, you would have randomly decided to do scientific tests on it? of course.and you find out all of this and somehow they
magically know how to treat her, even if she'scompletely new and they know nothing about her. so... see all this and all these awesomepeople and these awesome shots of ski competitions? guess what? it doesn't really have anythingto do with the rest of the movie. although, let's be honest, it's the most well put togetherpart of the movie. oh, "special effects and makeup by optic nerve." mr. optic nerve, you'd better hope i don't find your address, becausei've had to watch this movie 4 times and you did a horrible job. trust me, you will understand.yeah. lot of credits here. lot of pointless scenes. by the way, the pizza is a lie- it'sjust a bar. there is no pizza. acting at it's finest, folks. yeah, obviously he has a girlfriend,so... we have her there. no, your
name is immitation pamela anderson. yeah,but wearing a wife-beater and having your stomach hang out with no bra on in public?not degrading at all! uh, i can think of alot of ways. they're just illegal.
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